Hazel, Chuck, and Larry- Church drama folks
Hazel and Chuck set a “slab” on stage. Chuck puts the burial clothes on the slab as Larry enters. Chuck stands upstage of the other two, watching their dialogue with increased stress and confusion as it escalates.
LARRY: Okay, Hazel, we’re almost ready to do the resurrection sketch. The pastor asked me to make sure everything’s ready inside Jesus’s tomb. How we lookin’?
HAZEL: We’re just about ready, Larry. Lighting is set.
HAZEL: The stone slab is finally painted and ready.
LARRY: Good, good.
HAZEL: Burial cloths in place. We’re good to go.
LARRY: No we’re not. We’re missing something important here.
HAZEL: What are we missing?
LARRY: There’s no body.
LARRY: There’s no body here!
HAZEL: No, but there will be in a few minutes.
LARRY: There will?
HAZEL: Mary Magdalene and the other women, Peter and John…
LARRY: That’s it?
HAZEL: That’s everybody.
LARRY: Aren’t you missing somebody?
HAZEL: Which somebody?
LARRY: Which somebody do you think??
HAZEL: I can’t think of anybody.
LARRY: (points to the slab) Hazel, there’s no body here!
HAZEL: I know there’s no body there!
LARRY: Then get the body!
HAZEL: We don’t have any body!
LARRY: We need some body!
HAZEL: There’s no body!
LARRY: What do you mean there’s no body?
HAZEL: Because nobody was there when everybody came to the tomb.
LARRY: You mean when everybody came looking for somebody, there was nobody?
HAZEL: Yes! When everybody came looking for somebody they didn’t find anybody because no body was there!
LARRY: So there’s no body in the tomb.
HAZEL: Because somebody let him out.
CHUCK: I thought somebody was in the tomb.
LARRY: Did anybody see him?
HAZEL: Yes they did.
CHUCK: Who’s anybody?
LARRY: What happened when they saw him?
HAZEL: They told everybody.
CHUCK: I thought everybody knew already!
LARRY: They told everybody?
HAZEL: Everybody and anybody!
Chuck throws his arms up in anguish.
CHUCK: I’m so confused!
Chuck runs off stage. The silliness stops for a few lines to drive the message home.
LARRY: But there was someone in the tomb. Right?
HAZEL: Jesus was in the tomb. He died on the cross on Good Friday to take the punishment for our sins. He was buried and sealed in a tomb that same day. Then on Sunday, he rose from the grave. Because Jesus lives, we can have forgiveness for our sins and eternal life.
LARRY: Who can have eternal life?
LARRY: Oh no, let’s not start that again!
Ken- A 36 year old man-child
Joe- Ken’s dad
Joe is sitting in his favorite chair reading the newspaper. A Bible is on the floor nearby. Ken enters with an empty Easter basket.
KEN: I have a problem!
JOE: What is it, son?
KEN: There’s no Easter eggs!
KEN: There’s no Easter eggs, Dad!
JOE: Of course there are Easter eggs. It’s Easter!
KEN: Well where are they?
JOE: I don’t know, Ken! You have to hunt for them!
KEN: I’ve been hunting, Dad! I’ve looked everywhere!
JOE: Obviously not, if you haven’t found any!
KEN: I’ve searched the basement, the laundry room, the dining room, the kitchen. I even searched in the coat closet. There are no Easter eggs!
JOE: Did you look in the backyard?
KEN: Why would I look in the backyard?
JOE: Because that’s where the bunny hides the eggs, son! He doesn’t hide them in the basement, the laundry room, the dining room, or the kitchen!
KEN: What about the coat closet?
JOE: They’re not in the coat closet, Ken! They’re in the yard! Take your basket, go outside, and you’ll find the eggs!
KEN: All right, all right, I’ll go outside already!
JOE: Good. Then after you do that, get a job.
JOE: Son, you’re 36 years old. It’s time you get a job!
KEN: But Dad, I’ve been looking everywhere for a job! I can’t find one.
JOE: Where’ve you been looking?
KEN: Mad Magazine, Spider-Man comics, Field and Stream!
JOE: You’ll never find a job in Mad Magazine or Spider-Man comics!
KEN: What about Field and Stream?
JOE: You can’t find a job in Field and Stream! You find them in the newspapers!
KEN: But I don’t have a newspaper, Dad!
Joe hands Ken his newspaper.
JOE: Get a job, son.
Ken starts to exit.
JOE: Happy Easter!
KEN: Yeah yeah! Ken exits. Joe picks up the Bible and opens it.
JOE: “Why are you looking for the living among the dead? He is not here. He is risen.” Hmm. (looks up at the audience) Where are you looking for Jesus?