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Free Skit: A Stupid Acorn

An old favorite of mine is the free skit this week. Share and enjoy!

By John Cosper

THEME: Dying to yourself

An Ant
An Acorn
A Squirrel

[COSTUME NOTE: This can be done very simply by having each character wearing a T-shirt that identifies them as “Ant”, “Acorn”, and “Squirrel.” The Acorn should also wear a beret to signify his “cap.” Of course if you have the budget and want to make real ant, acorn, and squirrel costumes, go for it.]

(The Ant leads the Acorn on stage. The Acorn is covering his eyes.)

ANT- Okay, buddy, open your eyes.
ACORN- (looks) Uh huh. So what’s the big deal, Ant? You promise me some great big surprise, a destiny that could be mine, and all I see are some roots sticking out of the ground.
ANT- Look up, dummy.
ACORN- (looks up the tree) Whoa! That’s… that’s just huge!
ANT- What did I tell you?
ACORN- Wow! That must have taken… well, a million years or so.
ANT- A hundred and twenty and counting.
ACORN- That’s incredible. What do you call this?
ANT- It’s called… a Tree!
ACORN- Wow! Pretty name for it. Tree. Look, it’s got brown stuff.
ANT- That’s called bark.
ACORN- And twisting things hanging off it.
ANT- Those are branches.
ACORN- And pretty green floppy things.
ANT- Those are leaves.
ACORN- And it goes all the way from the roots up to the sky?
ANT- And down quite a way too. Those roots run pretty deep.
ACORN- Man, that is something. Okay, so you said all this could be me some day?
ANT- I surely did.
ACORN- Tell me. Tell me.
ANT- It’s very simple. You gotta find yourself a nice, fertile plot of ground.
ACORN- Fertile ground. Okay.
ANT- Then you crawl in it.
ACORN- Uh, crawl in?
ANT- And bury yourself.
ACORN- What? Oh no, I don’t think that’s possible.
ANT- What? Why not?
ACORN- Look, I may just be a silly little acorn, but I’m nobody’s fool. Dig a hole and bury myself? Huh uh. No way. Got a touch of claustrophobia, not to mention this terrible fear of DYING.
ANT- That’s the way it goes, pal. Unless you fall into the ground and die, you’ll never grow into a giant oak tree. Just look at what awaits you!
ACORN- I don’t know. Thing is I have a pretty good life these days as an acorn. I’m little and cute and I’ve got this sweet little cap on top. Kinda looks like a beret. Makes me feel French, you know?
ANT- Forget the beret! You could be so much more! A tall, beautiful tree reaching to the sky.
ACORN- Yeah, and didn’t you say it took this guy like a hundred years to get there? I don’t think I have the patience for that.
ANT- But this is what you were created for! You weren’t meant to be a stupid acorn with a beret. You were made to grow into a giant tree!
ACORN- Hey, it’s my life, my choice, right? And if I wanna live as an acorn, nothing you can do to change that.
ANT- Fine, whatever. You wanna stay an acorn? Stay an acorn. But mark my words: you’re gonna die one day. Do you want to die later as a rotting acorn, or die now and be all you can be?
ACORN- “Be all you can be”? What are you, and army ant? Hit the bricks, pal. I know what I’m doing.
ANT- All right. Take it easy, Mr. Underachiever.

(The Ant leaves.)

ACORN- Underachiever indeed. Heh!

(The Squirrel enters.)

ACORN- Gosh, that is a beautiful tree. Could that really be me some day?
SQUIRREL- Hey there, Acorn. What’s happening?
ACORN- Oh hey. Just checking out this tree.
SQUIRREL- Wow, that’s a big tree.
ACORN- Yeah. Friend of mine was telling me I could grow into one if I wanted to. But I’m pretty happy just being an acorn.
ACORN- I mean the tree’s cool, sure, but who doesn’t love a cute little acorn?
SQUIRREL- I know I do.
ACORN- See? That’s what I’m talking about.
SQUIRREL- In fact, I was just out looking for acorns.
ACORN- Really?
SQUIRREL- Yeah, yeah. In fact, I, uh, I have a winter home for acorns.
ACORN- Is that so?
SQUIRREL- Sure. You wanna come over for dinner?
ACORN- I’d love to.

(The Squirrel puts his arm around the Acorn. They start to leave.)

ACORN- So what’s for dinner?
SQUIRREL- (laughs) Funny you should ask that question.

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Free Skit – An Annoying Little Sin

Years ago I submitted this to a sketch writing contest. One judge loved it, gave it a nearly perfect score. Another judge hated it. Put it down by saying, “This isn’t a sketch! It’s a skit.”

Yeah, I didn’t know there was a difference either.

Regardless of his generous praise, this is probably the most popular SKIT I ever wrote. There are a few different versions available to watch on Youtube. And this spring, it’s twenty years old. Where does the time go?

An Annoying Little Sin
by John Cosper

THEME: Sin, Temptation, Deliverance

Guy delivering monologue (can be a female)

(The Guy walks on stage. There is a table with a book labeled “SIN” on the table.)

GUY- Have you ever had an annoying little sin that just wouldn’t go away? You know, that little piece of temptation you never could seem to let go of? Nothing big or terrible like murder. Just one small guilty obsession you never could seem to shake. It’s kind of like smoking: it’s bad for you, you know it’s bad for you, yet every time you say you’re going to quit, you’re drawn back to it like maggots on a deer carcass…or something like that. (Picks up book.) It’s kind of like having a big book that you use to whack yourself in the head. (He hits himself in the head.) Ow! Then you do it again, (hit) and again, (hit) and again, (hit) and again! (hit- he staggers backwards, disoriented) Man, that hurts! Then when you think you’ve been hit one too many times, you (hit) do it again! (hit) And again, (hit) and again, (hit) and (hit) again! Owww! That hurts so bad! But no matter how much it hurts, you do it (hit) again. You start to get depressed and feel like a pathetic loser because you can’t stop yourself. That’s when you call on Jesus!

(Jesus runs on stage and stands beside the Guy.)

GUY- And soon as you can say his name, bam! He’s there right beside you. So you fall on your knees, (he bows down) and you say, “Jesus, I’m a screw up. I’ve got this little sin that’s driving me crazy and I can’t take it anymore. Will you please forgive me?”
JESUS- Of course I will! Go and sin no more!
GUY- (jumping around, shouting and dancing) Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I’ve been for-giv-en! Yeeesss!! And you feel better than you’ve ever felt before. It’s like you’re Superman and your feet don’t even touch the ground! You are saved! You are forgiven! You are…

(He sees the book and freezes.)

GUY- Tempted! Oh, boy, are you tempted. It isn’t too long before the excitement wears off, (he picks the book up) and there you are, face to face with the same old sin. (He slowly brings the book closer to him.) That same little sin that you just wanna try just one more time. (He holds the book away from him.) No!!! You can’t do it again! Jesus said go and sin no more! You can’t do it! Christians aren’t supposed to sin. Christians don’t sin! (hit) Aaah!! I did it again!

(He drops the book and bows in front of Jesus.)

GUY- I didn’t want to do it! It was an accident! A fluke! A moment of weakness! It’ll never happen again, I promise! Please forgive me?
JESUS- (smiles) Okay.
GUY- (jumps to his feet) And you’re back on your feet, never to mess up again! So you screwed up once. Who cares? It’s not like you’re gonna rush right out and do it again!

(The Guy laughs, looks at the book, grabs it quickly and hits himself again.)

GUY- Aww, man! I did it again! (to Jesus) Look, I know this seems pretty bad, but I really want to be good, so will you please forgive me, just one more time?
GUY- All right! I’ve got one more chance! This time, no mistakes! I’m gonna have will power! I’m gonna be strong! (looks at the book) Oh, gee. (looks away) Gotta be strong. Gotta be strong. Don’t even think about it. Don’t even think about that itty bitty little sin calling to you. The jolly…candy-like sin.

(His fingers “walk” across the table until they touch the book. He glances at it out of the corner of his eye.)

GUY- (points off) Hey, look, there goes Billy Graham!

(Jesus looks. The Guy begins hitting himself repeatedly with the book. Jesus sees him and walks behind him and looks over his shoulder. The Guy freezes.)

GUY- Oh, nelly! Now, you’re in big trouble. You’ve given your heart to God. You’ve committed yourself to a life without sin. And what do you get? You’re no better off than you were before. There’s absolutely nothing you can do to get rid of that annoying little sin. That’s when you notice something about that sin. You looks at that little sin, then you look at Jesus. You hold that little sin up next to Jesus, (he holds the book out beside Jesus) and you realize Jesus is a lot bigger than your little sin. (feel Jesus’ muscle) And a whole lot tougher than that puny little sin. Then you realize you don’t have to get rid of that sin by yourself. Jesus can do it for you. After all, he gave up his life to pay for your sins. So when you give him your life, he wants all of it, (hands the book to Jesus) including that annoying little sin. And once you hand it over to Jesus…

(Jesus rips the book and tosses it.)

GUY- It’s gone forever!

(The Guy hugs Jesus, and they exit.)