Posted on

Free Skit: A Stupid Acorn

An old favorite of mine is the free skit this week. Share and enjoy!

A STUPID ACORN
By John Cosper

THEME: Dying to yourself

CHARACTERS
An Ant
An Acorn
A Squirrel

[COSTUME NOTE: This can be done very simply by having each character wearing a T-shirt that identifies them as “Ant”, “Acorn”, and “Squirrel.” The Acorn should also wear a beret to signify his “cap.” Of course if you have the budget and want to make real ant, acorn, and squirrel costumes, go for it.]

(The Ant leads the Acorn on stage. The Acorn is covering his eyes.)

ANT- Okay, buddy, open your eyes.
ACORN- (looks) Uh huh. So what’s the big deal, Ant? You promise me some great big surprise, a destiny that could be mine, and all I see are some roots sticking out of the ground.
ANT- Look up, dummy.
ACORN- (looks up the tree) Whoa! That’s… that’s just huge!
ANT- What did I tell you?
ACORN- Wow! That must have taken… well, a million years or so.
ANT- A hundred and twenty and counting.
ACORN- That’s incredible. What do you call this?
ANT- It’s called… a Tree!
ACORN- Wow! Pretty name for it. Tree. Look, it’s got brown stuff.
ANT- That’s called bark.
ACORN- And twisting things hanging off it.
ANT- Those are branches.
ACORN- And pretty green floppy things.
ANT- Those are leaves.
ACORN- And it goes all the way from the roots up to the sky?
ANT- And down quite a way too. Those roots run pretty deep.
ACORN- Man, that is something. Okay, so you said all this could be me some day?
ANT- I surely did.
ACORN- Tell me. Tell me.
ANT- It’s very simple. You gotta find yourself a nice, fertile plot of ground.
ACORN- Fertile ground. Okay.
ANT- Then you crawl in it.
ACORN- Uh, crawl in?
ANT- And bury yourself.
ACORN- What? Oh no, I don’t think that’s possible.
ANT- What? Why not?
ACORN- Look, I may just be a silly little acorn, but I’m nobody’s fool. Dig a hole and bury myself? Huh uh. No way. Got a touch of claustrophobia, not to mention this terrible fear of DYING.
ANT- That’s the way it goes, pal. Unless you fall into the ground and die, you’ll never grow into a giant oak tree. Just look at what awaits you!
ACORN- I don’t know. Thing is I have a pretty good life these days as an acorn. I’m little and cute and I’ve got this sweet little cap on top. Kinda looks like a beret. Makes me feel French, you know?
ANT- Forget the beret! You could be so much more! A tall, beautiful tree reaching to the sky.
ACORN- Yeah, and didn’t you say it took this guy like a hundred years to get there? I don’t think I have the patience for that.
ANT- But this is what you were created for! You weren’t meant to be a stupid acorn with a beret. You were made to grow into a giant tree!
ACORN- Hey, it’s my life, my choice, right? And if I wanna live as an acorn, nothing you can do to change that.
ANT- Fine, whatever. You wanna stay an acorn? Stay an acorn. But mark my words: you’re gonna die one day. Do you want to die later as a rotting acorn, or die now and be all you can be?
ACORN- “Be all you can be”? What are you, and army ant? Hit the bricks, pal. I know what I’m doing.
ANT- All right. Take it easy, Mr. Underachiever.

(The Ant leaves.)

ACORN- Underachiever indeed. Heh!

(The Squirrel enters.)

ACORN- Gosh, that is a beautiful tree. Could that really be me some day?
SQUIRREL- Hey there, Acorn. What’s happening?
ACORN- Oh hey. Just checking out this tree.
SQUIRREL- Wow, that’s a big tree.
ACORN- Yeah. Friend of mine was telling me I could grow into one if I wanted to. But I’m pretty happy just being an acorn.
SQUIRREL- Yeah?
ACORN- I mean the tree’s cool, sure, but who doesn’t love a cute little acorn?
SQUIRREL- I know I do.
ACORN- See? That’s what I’m talking about.
SQUIRREL- In fact, I was just out looking for acorns.
ACORN- Really?
SQUIRREL- Yeah, yeah. In fact, I, uh, I have a winter home for acorns.
ACORN- Is that so?
SQUIRREL- Sure. You wanna come over for dinner?
ACORN- I’d love to.

(The Squirrel puts his arm around the Acorn. They start to leave.)

ACORN- So what’s for dinner?
SQUIRREL- (laughs) Funny you should ask that question.