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Free Skit – “If It Feels Good”

We got in trouble with this skit once. I think the skit speaks for itself without coming out and saying what the message is, but apparently there are some people out there who would prefer that you come out and teach a lesson during or after a skit rather than having to read between the lines.

I have a feeling those people would have hated Jesus’s sermons.

Here’s one of my all-time favorites, and a favorite of the touring company. And no, I’m not going to come out and say what it means here either.

Share and enjoy.

If It Feels Good
By John Cosper

THEME: Relativism and morality

CHARACTERS
Simon- A new age thinker
Lenny- A passer-by
Chuck- A cop

(Simon is on stage, holding a sign that says, “If it feels good, do it.” Lenny enters, reads the sign.)

LENNY- Hi there.
SIMON- Hi.
LENNY- What’s this, a political protest?
SIMON- Kind of. More of a moral protest.
LENNY- I see. What does it mean?
SIMON- I’m protesting the notion that there’s an absolute set of morals that determine
what’s right and wrong for everyone.
LENNY- Sorry, you lost me. Care to explain in English?
SIMON- Well, see, just because of the Bible and the silly 10 commandments, people
think there’s only one set of morals for all of us to follow. But you can’t expect everyone to live by the same set of morals, can you?
LENNY- I don’t know, can you?
SIMON- Of course not. I believe each individual has the right to make up his own mind
what’s right and wrong, and to stick by those values.
LENNY- In other words, if it feels good, do it.
SIMON- Exactly.
LENNY- I see.

(Pause, then Lenny punches Simon in the face.)

SIMON- OWW… what was that for?
LENNY- Just following your advice. You know back in school one day I asked a bully
why he was beating my face in, and he said it felt good and you know what? (punches Simon again) He was right!
SIMON- Oh, my face?
LENNY- I wonder if it feels as good in the (punches Simon in the–) stomach! And a (karate chops Simon on the back, who falls) chop to the back!
SIMON- Ohhhhhh!!!
LENNY- And a few kicks to the gut!!

(Lenny kicks Simon several times.)

LENNY- Wait right there. I want to try something else.

(Lenny runs off.)

SIMON- What are you doing? (sees Lenny off) Oh no.. no!!

(Lenny runs on with a folded metal chair and begins to beat Simon on the back as Simon howls.)

LENNY- Always thought that looked like fun on wrestling.
SIMON- Stop hurting me!!
LENNY- What?
SIMON- Stop hurting me!!
LENNY- Why should I?
SIMON- Because it’s wrong, you moron!
LENNY- Are you judging me? Are you persecuting me for my values?
SIMON- No, I… I just don’t want you to hurt me any more.
LENNY- But it (kick) feels (kick) so (kick) good!

(Chuck enters.)

CHUCK- Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on here?
SIMON- Oh… thank goodness you’re here. This guy’s beating me up for no reason.
CHUCK- Is that a fact?
LENNY- No, sir, officer. I’m simply acting on my moral convictions. I believe if it feels
good, you should do it.
CHUCK- And beating this guy up feels good?
LENNY- Oh yes, sir.
CHUCK- Who taught you that stupid philosophy?

(Lenny points at Simon.)

CHUCK- I see.
SIMON- What are you waiting for? Arrest him!
CHUCK- I can’t do that, sir. He’s got a constitutional right to freedom of religion.
SIMON- What? You must be mad.
CHUCK- Hey, don’t take that attitude. Look at the bright side. (pulls out his billy club) You made two converts tonight.
SIMON- Oh no, not you!

(Chuck beats Simon with the club. Lenny kicks Simon. Simon howls in pain.)

CHUCK- Hey, you were right, man. This does feel good.
LENNY- You know what would feel really good? Tossing him off a bridge.

(They look at Simon with evil grins.)

SIMON- Oh no.
CHUCK- Let’s do it!

(They pick up Simon and carry him off.)

SIMON- Wait!!! I changed my mind!! Let me go! I can’t swim!