This is a fairly recent skit, but it might be one of my favorite titles ever. Coming up with titles is my biggest weakness as a script writer, but this one? Yeah, it just feels right.
Kill the Spider, Harry
By John Cosper
Theme: Relying on Jesus (Matthew 7:7-12)
Harry and Allison – A married couple
This skit is dedicated to everyone who has ever had a problem they refused to give up to God. God is always there, and he always answers. He’s just waiting for our prayer.
Harry walks across the stage carrying a newspaper. He stops, looks down, and screams.
HARRY: Allison! Get in here!
Allison runs on.
ALLISON: What’s wrong, Harry?
HARRY: For goodness sake, look!
Allison looks down.
ALLISON: It’s a spider.
HARRY: I know it’s a spider! What’s it doing here? What terrible, horrible thing did I do that would cause a spider to enter my house?
ALLISON: Harry, it’s a spider. No big deal.
HARRY: You’re right. It’s just a spider. These things happen, and when they do, we face them head on.
ALLISON: Yes we do.
HARRY: So how do we get rid of it?
ALLISON: Well, you are holding a newspaper.
ALLISON: Use the newspaper.
ALLISON: The newspaper in your hand. Use it.
HARRY: You mean… if I read it to him, he will…
ALLISON: No you don’t read it to him. You kill it!
HARRY: Kill it?
ALLISON: Roll up the newspaper and BAM! Kill it!
HARRY: Why do I need to use the newspaper?
ALLISON: Why wouldn’t you read the newspaper?
HARRY: Because. I’m a man. And a real man doesn’t need help to solve his problems.
ALLISON: A real man would realize he could do some real damage to a spider with a newspaper!
HARRY: Why do you keep on insisting I use the newspaper?
ALLISON: Why do you keep refusing?
HARRY: I’m not a weak man. I don’t need a newspaper to fight my battles for me.
ALLISON: You sure about that Harry? We’ve been fighting over this stupid spider a good minute or so, and the spider’s still there!
HARRY: I don’t need a newspaper to face my problems!
ALLISON: Then kill the spider!
HARRY: I will!
HARRY: Stop pushing me!
ALLISON: Kill the spider, Harry!
HARRY: I can’t!
Allison yanks the newspaper from his hand, gets on her knees, and smashes the spider. She stands up and hands him the newspaper. He holds it in two fingers, like holding a soiled tissue.
ALLISON: You can do it, Harry. You just need to use the newspaper.