Free Skit – The Parable of the Bad Undercover Cop

This week we bring you one of the funniest skits ever to come out of the Righteous Insanity touring days. This one was so much fun to perform and has a great message. It’s also ridiculously crazy and over the top. Definitely inspired by my favorite sketch comedy show, MTV’s The State.

Share and enjoy.

The Parable of the Bad (but not in a good way) Undercover Cop
By Mary Schmelz and John Cosper

THEME: Be yourself

B-Koo’ A’ight- Tough chick from the streets
Cop- A very bad undercover cop

B’Koo’ is on stage, chillin’. The Cop enters with a spring in her step, then catches herself, and starts to swagger like a hip street person.

COP- Hey there! Are you B-Cool Aid?
B-KOO’- What?
COP- I’m lookin’ for someone my (looks at cue card of “hip” sayings) homies told me to find, B-Cool Aid?
B-KOO’- B-Cool Aid?
COP- Yeah!
B-KOO’- Don’ ya mean B-Koo’ A’ight?
COP- Uh, yeah, that’s who I mean… (looks at cue card) dog.
B-KOO’- You be sure? ‘Cause you don’ sound sure.
COP- I’m sure. I am!
B-KOO’- So, you must be my boy Ronde’s girl?
COP- Yeah, that’s right. I’m Ronde’s girl. I run with Ronde. ‘Cause I’m his girl. (looks at cue card) Word.
B-KOO’- Yeah? Well, I don’t trust Ronde’s peeps. Last girl Ronde dated, she turn out ta be a cop.
COP- Uh, cop?? I’m not a cop. I mean, (checks cue card) I ain’t no cop. What you (checks cue card) be talkin about, foo’?
B-KOO’- You sure you ain’t no cop?
COP- Is the Pope Catholic?
B-KOO’- What???
COP- I mean, (checks cue card) Is Tupac da bomb?
B-KOO’- Well if you ain’t no cop, what’s with that ride of yours?
COP- Ride? (checks card) Oh you mean my phat car. Isn’t it fly?
B-KOO’- Yeah, it’s fly. But why it got a police shield on the door?
COP- What? Oh, that’s the thing, yo.
B-KOO’- Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout?
COP- Yeah, (checks card) G. I had the choice. I coulda got a police shield, or a picture of Darth Vader. I chose the cop thing ’cause I don’ like Star Trek, but I ain’t no cop.
B-KOO’- Then how come you got flashing lights on top of your car?
COP- Lights? Don’t you know? That’s the thing, yo. People used to be puttin’ lights under the cars. Now we put them on top.
B-KOO’- What for?
COP- For the parties. The (checks card) phat parties I be checkin’.
B-KOO’- Huh, sounds like down party.
COP- Is that good or bad?
B-KOO’- If you weren’t no cop, you’d know what I mean.
COP- I’m not a cop!! I mean (checks card) I ain’t no cop, yo!
B-KOO’- Oh yeah? How come your ride say “Police” on the back?
COP- Oh that? That don’t say Police. That’s code.
B-KOO’- Code for what?
COP- It’s code for, “I ain’t no po-po.”
B-KOO’- Po-po? What’s po-po?
COP- Well if you were (checks cue card) I mean, was down, you’d know.
B-KOO’- I’m down, but I ain’t never heard that code.
COP- That’s because (checks cue card) you ain’t down in my hood.
B-KOO’- I don’t think I wanna be down in your hood. And I definitely don’t wanna be down with no cop.
COP- I ain’t no cop!
B-KOO’- Oh yeah? If you ain’t no cop, then tell me… who would win in a fight between Snoop Dogg and Wolverine?
B-KOO’- That’s it! You a cop!!

B-Koo’ drags the Cop off stage.

COP- No I’m not! I’m not a cop. Help!! I need back up!! Officer… I mean, not an officer in distress!
ANNOUNCER- This skit was brought to you by Righteous Insanity. You know a lot of people do everything they can to be something other than who God made them to be, and that’s sad. You are beautiful the way God made you, and we want to encourage you to always be yourself, no matter where you go or who you are with. The only time you should ever be something other than yourself is if you are an undercover cop.

Sound effect of gunshot or painful scream off stage.

ANNOUNCER- Cause that might be bad.