Free Skit for Father’s Day

A little something I was inspired to write after going to church with my son this morning. Father’s Day has always seemed like more of a skit day than Mother’s Day, so here you go!

Just Like Dad
By John Cosper
www.righteousinsanity.com

THEME: Fathers and Sons

CHARACTERS
Dad
Sam
A stage hand

Dad and Sam enter.
DAD: I love Star Wars!
SAM: I love Star Wars!
DAD: Star Wars is awesome!
SAM: Star Wars is awesome!
DAD: Do you know which move I love best?
SAM: All of them!
DAD: You’re darn right all of them!
SAM: Star Wars is the best!
DAD: Star Wars is the best!
A stage hand walks on and hands Dad a bag with two cheeseburgers inside.
DAD: I love burgers!
SAM: I love burgers!
DAD: I love cheeseburgers.
SAM: Cheeeeeeeseburgers!
Dad hands Sam a cheeseburger.
DAD: Cheeseburgers are the best!
SAM: The best!
They both take a bite.
DAD: Pickles? I hate pickles!
SAM: Pickles, yuck!
They pull the pickles out of their sandwiches and throw them on the stage. They look at each other.
DAD/SAM: Don’t tell Mom!
The stage hand brings out two chairs, setting them one in front of the other but offset. The stage hand takes the burgers away. Dad and Sam mime getting into a car. Dad starts the car.
DAD: I love the radio.
SAM: I love to rock!
DAD: I love Guns N Roses.
SAM: I love this song!
DAD: (sings) Take me down to the Paradise City, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.
SAM: (sings) Oh won’t you please take me home!
Dad pretends to honk the horn.
DAD: (angry) Hey, watch where you’re going, jerk! You wanna get is all killed? Where did you learn to drive? What is wrong with you people? Can’t you read a stop sign? I hate people like you! I hate you all!
SAM: I hate you all! I hate you all!
Dad’s eyes widen. He realizes what he’s said.
SAM: You’re nothing but a bunch of jerks! And, and, and… booger heads!
DAD: No, they’re not.
SAM: They’re not booger heads?
DAD: I’m the booger head.
SAM: No you’re not. They’re the—
DAD: Sam, I’m sorry. That’s not how we should talk to others.
SAM: It’s not?
DAD: Jesus loves them.
SAM: Jesus loves them.
DAD: He loves everyone, even when they mess up.
SAM: He loves everyone. Even you, Dad.
DAD: Jesus loves you.
SAM: Jesus loves you.
DAD: Jesus loves everybody.
SAM: Jesus loves everybody.
DAD: We need to love them like Jesus.
SAM: Love them like Jesus!
Dad starts driving again.
SAM: Dad, Jesus loves Guns N Roses, right?
DAD: Yes, I’m sure he does.
SAM: Jesus loves everybody!
DAD: I love you, buddy.
SAM: I love you too!

What I Missed

Morbidman Meet His Maker is now 12 days It had been six years since I last directed a play. It had been even longer, about twelve years, since I produced something of my own, a Righteous Insanity script specifically for ministry and not a school theater production. I left my last directing gig because I had a 3 year old starting soccer. She and her brother were starting to get big enough to do their own thing, and I didn’t want to miss out because I was busy directing other kids.

I honestly didn’t miss directing much.

I didn’t miss casting. It’s a real pain.

I didn’t miss scheduling rehearsals. That’s another whole type of pain.

I didn’t miss worrying about costumes or props. Actually, I learned to delegate those duties before I left directing, and they were the first two things I delegated when I started rehearsals this time around. (Thanks, Shelby and Gia!)

Here’s what I did miss.

I missed the complete freedom that comes with directing your own material. I’m not going to pretend I’m the best director because I’m not. My skill is in my writing, and when I’m directing my own stuff, I can’t help tinkering. I gave my cast total freedom to play and tinker and improv as well, and collaboratively, the play became something far greater and funner than anything I would have done alone.

And that brings me to the thing I missed most: the community that only comes with producing a play. The cast we assembled was a series of happy accidents. They all came to play. They left egos at the door. They worked hard, and best of all, they really truly loved each other. Matter of fact the group text that began last fall is still going. They’re talking about doing the sequel. They’re also just talking about life because they miss one another.

That’s the best thing about doing drama as ministry. You, your cast, your crew, you become community. You become a family tighter than mere casual relationships who worship together. Some of my best friends, life long friends, started on a stage in one place or another. Much of this cast was made of people I worked with on stage, and now they’ve formed bonds of their own. There’s nothing like it, and for Christians, working together to do theater that can connect with people, that’s a very good thing.

If I never do another one, I’ll be happy. I couldn’t say that before because before, the last play I did was Annie. I hate Annie. But I am pretty darn sure this wasn’t the last, and it likely wasn’t the last with this crew.

Have a good summer, gang. We’ll put the band back together in the fall.

Summer Bible Studies, Ready to Rock

Over the last 15 years I produced a number of short films under the Righteous Insanity label. A few years ago I compiled a number of those shorts into Bible study programs. From space aliens to CSI to a zombie puppet, I’ve got some rather unique resources for your summer Bible study needs.

We’ll start with the kids. I wrote BSI: Bible Scene Investigations as a weekend retreat program, a 3-part interactive Bible study where kids get to become crime scene investigators within three different Bible studies. I’ve since expanded BSI to include six lessons. Each lesson has a video and instructions for setting up a “crime scene” the kids can investigate, helping them to go deeper with the six different Bible stories.

Righteous Insanity has several signature video/Bible study series for young adults, be they late teens or early 20s. For starters, we have Fluffy, a cute and fuzzy alien from outer space who will eat your face off and pick its teeth with your toes. Fluffy appeared in 3 short films that, believe it or not, have a message about the dangers of sin. These films are a little longer than the shorts in the Videvo series, but for a crowd that’s into cult movies, it would make a fun late night lock-in treat.

We also have Clive the Zombie, a zombie puppet who inspired a series of short films. Clive and Fluffy have both been favorites of horror fans at film festivals around the Midwest. And just like Fluffy, each Clive movie has a Biblical tie-in.

Next, we come to Desperately Seeking. Based on a series of shorts originally created for our former sister site getyoked.net, Desperately Seeking is a series aimed at encouraging teens, college students, and singles to embrace their single life and devote themselves more fully to Christ.

Finally, we have something just for the guys. The Scotty Love Show is a series written for guys. Each Bible study begins with a comedy short in which Scotty Love tries to share some “Biblical” wisdom and fails miserably. The accompanying Bible study takes men into the Bible and guides them to find some real wisdom on their own while building relationships that will further their faith.

All five of these Bible studies (and a few more) are available to download for free, so if you’re looking for something new and different this summer, you have nothing to lose checking them out. Give them a look, and please email me to let me know what you think!

Lots of “Morbid” Stuff

It’s been over two weeks since I’ve posted, and there’s a good reason. Morbidman Meets His Maker was on Sunday in Jeffersonville, Indiana, and I’m relieved to say it went very well. This was my first show in six years, and the cast was an eclectic mix from my past, including former Dramamaniacs (my first drama group at Northside Christian Church, 1993-1998), Christian Academy of Indiana (where I led after school drama from, 2007-2011), and even the New Albany High School Marching Band.

This was also my first return to ministry-oriented theater. In other words, it’s the first time in almost 12 years that I was directing my own Christian-themed play instead of destroying a prized part of the theater history.

I’ve always encouraged collaboration and improv when directing, and the cast made their own contributions to the play, many of which are now in the “official” script available for purchase right here. So when you purchase the Morbidman plays package, you’re getting the latest and greatest edition with all the funny bits that made the play even better.

What’s more, I created a new group on Facebook just for Morbidman enthusiasts, a place to share photos, stories, and ideas for producing the Morbidman series. Ours was just one of three productions (that I know of) taking place this spring, and it seems after 16 years, Morbidman and the gang are starting to develop a (forgive the use of the term, fundies) “cult” following! You can join Morbidman’s “Secret Lair” by clicking here.

I’m also planning to spend a lot more time on this blog and any place else I can contribute to helping Christian drama folks do what they do. We had a youth group drive up from Atlanta this weekend, a group about to perform Morbidman Returns, and seeing their enthusiasm has reawakened my own passion for drama ministry. I’ll be honest, after 23 years, it’s hard to keep that enthusiasm alive, especially when I have so many other irons in the fire. But this particular fire has been stoked, and I hope to once again be more proactive in helping people draw others to Jesus through drama.

Two Short Films for Easter

I always share these two at Easter time. Sharing now so you can pass them on or use them next weekend.

First is a Good Friday short that highlights an oft forgotten story detail from the Gospels, a little something called “Deleted Scenes from the Bible.”

And second is one of my kids’ favorite shorts, “I Don’t Wanna Dye!”

Happy Easter, everyone.

Free Skit – The Orthodontists

Back when I sold individual skits, this was easily one of the most popular and most requested skits in the catalog. Now its free. Enjoy!

The Orthodontists
By John Cosper

www.righteousinsanity.com

THEME: Church Leadership

CHARACTERS
Mandy, Candy, Sandy, and Randy- Followers of Jesus
Darla- An unbeliever

INTRO- Can you imagine what church would be like without any leadership?

(Mandy, Candy, Sandy, and Randy run on stage cheering.}

MANDY- All right, everybody, time to set the whole world on fire!

CANDY- Jesus is alive and the way to Heaven has been opened!

SANDY- Right now, he’s on his way to Heaven to prepare a new home for all who will believe in him!
RANDY- And it’s up to his followers to spread the good news so that everyone can come to know Jesus!

MANDY- And we’re just the people to do it, ‘cause we are… we are… Uh oh!

RANDY- Oh my gosh! We don’t have a name! What are we gonna do?

CANDY- Secret ballots!

(They pull out cards and pencils, write on the cards, and pass the cards to Mandy.}

MANDY- One vote for Jesus people, one vote for Christ-ee-anns…

SANDY- Christians!

MANDY- Sorry. One vote for orthodontists, and one vote for David Duchovny.

SANDY- Wait! I want to change my vote from Christians to orthodontists!

RANDY- Then that settles it! We’re orthodontists!

ALL- Yay!!!

CANDY- All right. Where are we gonna go first?
MANDY- Let’s go to the Coliseum!

SANDY- The Coliseum? No way. Let’s go to the Temple.

MANDY- Are you crazy? We’ll get lynched if we go to the Temple!

RANDY- I’ve got it. (pulls out a quarter} We’ll flip a coin.

CANDY- How come you’re flipping the coin?

RANDY- Because I’ve got one!

CANDY- You flipped it the last time!

RANDY- So?

CANDY- You can’t flip it every time!

SANDY- It’s not your turn either! It’s mine!

CANDY- Is not!

RANDY- All right! Secret ballots!

(They pull out cards and pencils, write on the cards, and pass the cards to Mandy.}

MANDY- One vote for Sandy, one vote for Randy, one vote for Candy, and one vote for Mandy.

SANDY- Mandy?

MANDY- Hey, maybe I wanna flip a coin, too!

(Darla enters from stage right and stands, looking off. The rest look at her.}

RANDY- Whoa! Check it out! It’s an unbelieving heathen!

CANDY- Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! What’ll we do?

(Sandy shoves Candy towards Candy.}

SANDY- You go talk to her!

CANDY- Me?

SANDY- Come on, get over there!

CANDY- I’m not going! I’m…I’m not prepared for this! Let Mandy do it!
MANDY- Me?

CANDY- You’re the one who counts all the votes!

MANDY- So? Randy met Jesus first! Let him do it!

RANDY- No I didn’t! Sandy knew him the longest!

SANDY- Yes, but you knew him best! You followed him everywhere! You heard all the speeches, not me!

RANDY- Yeah, well…well… “C” comes before “R” alphabetically, so Candy goes first!

CANDY- I am not!

MANDY- Come on! Just go!

(Mandy shoves Candy into Darla.}

CANDY- Excuse me, ma’am.

DARLA- That’s quite all right.

RANDY- Say something to her!

SANDY- Come on, Candy, tell her!

CANDY- What do I say?

MANDY- Oooh, you’re so incompetent!

CANDY- Then you do it!

(Candy grabs Mandy by the arm and swings her into Darla.}

MANDY- Sorry!

DARLA- It’s okay.

SANDY- Go on, Mandy!

DARLA- Is something the matter?

MANDY- Have you been washed in the blood of the lamb?

DARLA- I beg your pardon?

MANDY- I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.

DARLA- Are you trying to tell me something?

MANDY- Uhhh, yeah. Uhhh…my friends and I wanted to tell you about…the Messiah!

DARLA- What’s a Messiah?

(Mandy runs back to the group.}

SANDY- What is your problem?

MANDY- She’s asking some really hard questions!

RANDY- Maybe you better talk to her.

SANDY- Why not you?

RANDY- Okay, we’ll both do it.

SANDY- Go ahead.

RANDY- After you.

SANDY- All right. We’ll go together. On the count of three. One…two…

(Darla walks away.}

CANDY- Late! There she goes!

RANDY- You let her get away!

SANDY- Well if you weren’t so ashamed of your faith!

RANDY- Me? What about you? If you’re so holy and knowledgeable, why didn’t you take charge and talk to her yourself?

SANDY- Duh, Randy, if Jesus had intended for some one to be “in charge”, he would have appointed some one.

RANDY- Yeah, you’re probably right.

CANDY- So, where to, guys?

MANDY- Let’s just pick a direction and go.

SANDY- Cool. Which one?

(They all look at each other. Randy pulls out a spinner from a board game and spins it. They all point in the direction the arrow points.}

ALL- That way!!!

(They exit in the direction of the arrow.}

Miranda Village

Waterstep is an organization that uses patented technology to bring clean water to people in remote, third world locations and anywhere they find a need. I’ve been friends with the leaders at Waterstep going back to the days when they were a youth ministry called Mega Ministries. Over the years, they asked me to create a number of skits and other drama presentations, and a few years back, they asked me to create something very unique.

Waterstep wanted a training program, a simulation to give would-be ambassadors of clean water to practice going into a town, assessing the need for clean water resources, and laying the groundwork for providing such assistance. I created Miranda Village, an interactive, drama-based experience that gave mission workers the chance to practice their new skills and knowledge in a simulated village.

Miranda Village is a fun and engaging way to train your mission teams as well. Using the foundations laid out in the program I created for Waterstep, you can give students and adults the chance to practice the interactions they will experience on the mission field. Following the exercise, a debriefing will not only allow the mission workers to share their experience but get feedback from the actors that can help them when they reach the mission field.

Miranda Village is available from Amazon.com in paperback. You can also download it for free.

Click here to buy now on Amazon.

Click here to get the PDF for free.

 

Updated Script – How to Sit in Church

A reader created his own adaptation of the film script I posted recently, “How to Sit in Church.” For those who want to do it on stage, here’s his alternative version!

How to Sit in Church
By John Cosper and Matthew Byerly
www.righteousinsanity.com

Characters:
Guy
Marsha
Coach Honeycutt
Football Player (Title Card Holder)
Old Man
Old Woman
College Girl
Parents of College Girl
Lonely Guy
Angry Guy

Set Needs:
Doorway
Pew or Bench (2)
Old-Fashioned Flip-style Chalkboard (with chalk and eraser)

Costuming:
COACH should be in uniform/track suit/jump suit. Wearing a whistle, towel hanging off his waist (both whistle and towel are used as props).
FOOTBALL PLAYER in full uniform and helmet.
All others costumed as appropriate for name/description of character. Modern dress, appropriate for church gathering.

Props:
Title Card Signs (lettered as noted in script)
football
swaddled baby doll

Set the stage with two benches center, one resting just behind the other. Just upstage of these, centered, is a doorway, symbolizing the door into the sanctuary. Space should be left off to one side for an area where the COACH can talk, and space should also be left behind the door, to provide an area for movement.

Sound Effect: Car pulling into a parking lot, with screeching tires. Doors open and shut, hastily.
Enter from offstage a married couple, Guy and Marsha, racing up to the doors of the church, as we hear Organ Music in the background.

MARSHA: Come on, Guy, we’re late! Hurry it up! This is so embarrassing, running behind like this…

Interior church. They walk in the back doors, and stop, a look of fear in their eyes.

MARSHA: Honey, where are we supposed to sit?
GUY: I don’t know. Why does this have to be so hard?

Sound Effect: Ominous tones (“dun-dun-dun”).
GUY and MARSHA stand frozen in their spots. A college fight song starts to play in the background, replacing the organ music. Coach enters from opposite side of stage, wheeling in chalkboard.

COACH: Finding a seat on Sunday morning can be more intimidating than solving the West Coast Offense. But it doesn’t have to be. Now I’m going to tell you something I’ve kept to myself for years. I’m Coach Honeycutt, long-time football coach, and, though I don’t often freely admit to the fact, a frequent Church attendee. Yes, yes, even the rough-and-tumble of the world need to seek respite and offer worship at a temple other than the one on the football field. Let me tell you, there was once a time where I was just as confused as anyone as to where I should plant myself during a service, seeing as I was more comfortable in the land of touchdowns than in touching heaven, and that caused a great deal of discomfort….worse than athlete’s foot, in fact. Over time, however, I learned to apply my coaching skills to figuring out how to properly handle these benches, with the least mental intimidation possible. And I’m here to help you learn the rules of the game.

FOOTBALL PLAYER runs across, carrying a sign reading “Coach Honeycutt’s Rules of the Game:
How to Sit in Church.” Stops Center stage, crosses himself holding the sign, and continues to run off to the other side of the stage.

COACH: Churches are like football teams. There are hundreds of different churches, but every one of them runs one of a few formations when it comes to seating patterns. If you want to get a good seat in church, all you have to do is figure out what formation the church runs.

COACH has drawn a set of pews on the board.

COACH: One of the most common seating patterns is the I Formation. This is the kind of seating arrangement you’ll find in older, more traditional churches. With the I Formation, people sit in the same seat every week.

COACH marks X’s on the board.

COACH: Some sit on the ends. Some in the middle. Some in the front, and some in the back. And woe be unto you if you sit in someone else’s seat.

GUY and MARSHA unfreeze; they sit down in an empty pew. OLD LADY is sitting on the end of other pew. OLDER MAN enters, stands next to GUY and MARSHA.

OLDER MAN: I’m sorry, but this is my seat.
GUY: But there are dozens of empty seats in here!
OLDER MAN: So find one and get out of MY seat!

COACH takes over dialogue. As he is speaking, GUY and MARSHA stand up, move offstage. At the same time, OLD LADY exits through the doors.

COACH: The I Formation can be intimidating, but once you learn the patterns, you’ll not only avoid taking someone else’s seat, you’ll establish your own. Choose carefully, because you’ll likely be sitting in that seat a long time.

OLD LADY (V.O.): No, I will not sit in another seat. This was my momma’s seat, and it was my grandma’s before her. I don’t care what you say, I’m not moving!
MARSHA (V.O.): But this seat’s not even in the sanctuary any more.

Sound Effect: toilet flushing; stall door opening.

OLD LADY (V.O.): I can hear it all over the intercom.

FOOTBALL PLAYER runs across, carrying a sign reading “Second Play – Flush Analysis.” Stops Center stage, crosses himself holding the sign, and continues to run off to the other side of the stage.
COACH draws a set of pews where the end seats are filled with X’s and the middle of the pews is empty.

COACH: Another common strategy found in older churches is the Wishbone formation. In the Wishbone, people take the aisle seats here, and here, leaving the middle wide open. If you have a tendency to run late, this can be a tricky formation to deal with. And if you show up with a large family, you better hope to find a friendly face on the end.

GUY and MARSHA re-enter through Church door. OLD MAN and OLD WOMAN are in front pew, on opposite ends. COLLEGE GIRL and LONELY GUY are on second pew, more centered, obviously not leaving enough room in center or on ends for the couple to sit down. GUY and MARSHA walk up to OLD MAN on the end of the aisle.

GUY: Excuse me, sir, can we—

The OLD MAN growls like a dog. GUY and MARSHA back away.

COACH: (clears throat to call attention back to him) The Wishbone is also known as the field goal formation.

FOOTBALL PLAYER runs across downstage, carrying a football; suddenly cries out “HAIL MARY!,” and tosses the ball between the people sitting on the pews, who promptly jump up and lift their arms in the air signaling a good field goal. FOOTBALL PLAYER does a little dance, crosses himself, and continues to run off to the other side of the stage.

COACH: (casting a sideways glance, rolling his eyes at the action onstage) Or, the spread offense. (pronounce as in taking offense) Heh heh, sorry, I mean the spread offense. (said like the football term) The best way to beat the spread is to arrive early – and sit in the middle.

As COACH is speaking, GUY and MASHA find their way to the middle of the pew, as others in scene sit down slowly.

FOOTBALL PLAYER (V.O.): Omaha, Green 80, Green 80, Hut-Hut!

A football flies onstage and hits MARSHA in the face.

MARSHA: Oh, my nose!
OLD LADY: Funny….don’t you remember the same thing happening to Jan a while back?

FOOTBALL PLAYER runs across, carrying a sign reading “Options Open” Stops Center stage, crosses himself holding the sign, and continues to run off to the other side of the stage.
COACH makes another drawing on the on the board. There are a few X’s spread across a pew.

COACH: If you want something simple and easy, look for a church that runs the Option formation. The Option is much easier for the new attendee to navigate. Here’s how it works.

COACH draws lines on the board to indicate patterns – lots of arrows, circles, etc., delivers dialogue as drawing

COACH: The guests enter the back room, walk down to the pew. The people sitting in the pew go in motion. Young couple slides down, causing the lonely guy mid pew to slide over, where he meets nice young college grad girl sitting with her folks. The result of the play, the new folks get a seat, and mom and dad get a break on lunch when lonely guy asks their girl to go to the buffet.

In speeded up motion, we see GUY and MARSHA walk down the aisle. The people seated jump up, shuffle seats, and end up bunched in the middle, with the COLLEGE GIRL sitting beside or on the LONELY GUY’s lap. Once everyone’s seated, LONELY GUY gives the crowd a thumbs up.

COACH: (blows whistle to call focus) ahem….Some churches run a variation on the option package designed for families with small children. In this pattern, the back pews of the church are bypassed by the majority of attendees, leaving them open for people with young children or crying babies who are prone to disruptions or may need a quick trip to the potty. This pattern is known as “backfield in motion.”

In church setting, GUY and MARSHA sit, in front pew. A man sits on the other side of GUY. MARSHA holds a baby. The baby cries. The man on the end hops out as if blocking for GUY. GUY races around the pew. MARSHA hands off the baby. GUY runs out the door, runs into the lobby, lifting his arms and the baby in the air. He goes to spike the baby like a football….

COACH: Stop!!!! (blows whistle)

COACH draws a stick figure on the board holding a baby stick figure in the air. He draws a circle around the drawing and a line through it.

COACH: Remember, never spike the baby. Again, sir, NEVER SPIKE THE BABY!

GUY tucks the baby in his arm and walks on offstage. COACH walks to front of pew as he speaks, takes a seat.

COACH: So there you have it. Every church has a different way of doing things, but the better you learn to identify the seating strategy in your own church, the less intimidating Sunday morning will be. Sometime, when you’re up against it and the breaks are beating your seating options, tell yourself to go out there with all you’ve got and win just one for the Gipper. As for those who cause bench anxiety for others seeking space in the pew, remember that little things matter. You don’t know who’s coming to your church for the first time, or what kind of day they’re having, or how your actions may affect them. We can all be a little more welcoming by accommodating others, and knowing where and how we pick out seats in church. I’m Coach Honeycutt—

ANGRY GUY: Hey! Get outta my pew, ya jerk!

COACH: — reminding you to, in dealing with others, ALWAYS PLAY FAIR, and never just throw in the towel!

COACH throws towel at ANGRY GUY’s face, gets up, runs out of church, as ANGRY GUY runs after him.

Free Skit – Kill the Spider, Harry

This is a fairly recent skit, but it might be one of my favorite titles ever. Coming up with titles is my biggest weakness as a script writer, but this one? Yeah, it just feels right.

Kill the Spider, Harry
By John Cosper
www.righteousinsanity.com

Theme: Relying on Jesus (Matthew 7:7-12)

CHARACTERS
Harry and Allison – A married couple

This skit is dedicated to everyone who has ever had a problem they refused to give up to God. God is always there, and he always answers. He’s just waiting for our prayer.

Harry walks across the stage carrying a newspaper. He stops, looks down, and screams.

HARRY: Allison! Get in here!

Allison runs on.

ALLISON: What’s wrong, Harry?

HARRY: For goodness sake, look!

Allison looks down.

ALLISON: It’s a spider.

HARRY: I know it’s a spider! What’s it doing here? What terrible, horrible thing did I do that would cause a spider to enter my house?

ALLISON: Harry, it’s a spider. No big deal.

HARRY: You’re right. It’s just a spider. These things happen, and when they do, we face them head on.

ALLISON: Yes we do.

HARRY: So how do we get rid of it?

ALLISON: Well, you are holding a newspaper.

HARRY: Yeah?

ALLISON: Use the newspaper.

HARRY: What?

ALLISON: The newspaper in your hand. Use it.

HARRY: You mean… if I read it to him, he will…

ALLISON: No you don’t read it to him. You kill it!

HARRY: Kill it?

ALLISON: Roll up the newspaper and BAM! Kill it!

HARRY: No.

ALLISON: No??

HARRY: Why do I need to use the newspaper?

ALLISON: Why wouldn’t you read the newspaper?

HARRY: Because. I’m a man. And a real man doesn’t need help to solve his problems.

ALLISON: A real man would realize he could do some real damage to a spider with a newspaper!

HARRY: Why do you keep on insisting I use the newspaper?

ALLISON: Why do you keep refusing?

HARRY: I’m not a weak man. I don’t need a newspaper to fight my battles for me.

ALLISON: You sure about that Harry? We’ve been fighting over this stupid spider a good minute or so, and the spider’s still there!

HARRY: I don’t need a newspaper to face my problems!

ALLISON: Then kill the spider!

HARRY: I will!

ALLISON: Harry!

HARRY: Stop pushing me!

ALLISON: Kill the spider, Harry!

HARRY: I can’t!

Allison yanks the newspaper from his hand, gets on her knees, and smashes the spider. She stands up and hands him the newspaper. He holds it in two fingers, like holding a soiled tissue.

ALLISON: You can do it, Harry. You just need to use the newspaper.

Free Skit – An Annoying Little Sin

Years ago I submitted this to a sketch writing contest. One judge loved it, gave it a nearly perfect score. Another judge hated it. Put it down by saying, “This isn’t a sketch! It’s a skit.”

Yeah, I didn’t know there was a difference either.

Regardless of his generous praise, this is probably the most popular SKIT I ever wrote. There are a few different versions available to watch on Youtube. And this spring, it’s twenty years old. Where does the time go?

An Annoying Little Sin
by John Cosper
www.righteousinsanity.com

THEME: Sin, Temptation, Deliverance

CHARACTERS
Guy delivering monologue (can be a female)
Jesus

(The Guy walks on stage. There is a table with a book labeled “SIN” on the table.)

GUY- Have you ever had an annoying little sin that just wouldn’t go away? You know, that little piece of temptation you never could seem to let go of? Nothing big or terrible like murder. Just one small guilty obsession you never could seem to shake. It’s kind of like smoking: it’s bad for you, you know it’s bad for you, yet every time you say you’re going to quit, you’re drawn back to it like maggots on a deer carcass…or something like that. (Picks up book.) It’s kind of like having a big book that you use to whack yourself in the head. (He hits himself in the head.) Ow! Then you do it again, (hit) and again, (hit) and again, (hit) and again! (hit- he staggers backwards, disoriented) Man, that hurts! Then when you think you’ve been hit one too many times, you (hit) do it again! (hit) And again, (hit) and again, (hit) and (hit) again! Owww! That hurts so bad! But no matter how much it hurts, you do it (hit) again. You start to get depressed and feel like a pathetic loser because you can’t stop yourself. That’s when you call on Jesus!

(Jesus runs on stage and stands beside the Guy.)

GUY- And soon as you can say his name, bam! He’s there right beside you. So you fall on your knees, (he bows down) and you say, “Jesus, I’m a screw up. I’ve got this little sin that’s driving me crazy and I can’t take it anymore. Will you please forgive me?”
JESUS- Of course I will! Go and sin no more!
GUY- (jumping around, shouting and dancing) Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I’ve been for-giv-en! Yeeesss!! And you feel better than you’ve ever felt before. It’s like you’re Superman and your feet don’t even touch the ground! You are saved! You are forgiven! You are…

(He sees the book and freezes.)

GUY- Tempted! Oh, boy, are you tempted. It isn’t too long before the excitement wears off, (he picks the book up) and there you are, face to face with the same old sin. (He slowly brings the book closer to him.) That same little sin that you just wanna try just one more time. (He holds the book away from him.) No!!! You can’t do it again! Jesus said go and sin no more! You can’t do it! Christians aren’t supposed to sin. Christians don’t sin! (hit) Aaah!! I did it again!

(He drops the book and bows in front of Jesus.)

GUY- I didn’t want to do it! It was an accident! A fluke! A moment of weakness! It’ll never happen again, I promise! Please forgive me?
JESUS- (smiles) Okay.
GUY- (jumps to his feet) And you’re back on your feet, never to mess up again! So you screwed up once. Who cares? It’s not like you’re gonna rush right out and do it again!

(The Guy laughs, looks at the book, grabs it quickly and hits himself again.)

GUY- Aww, man! I did it again! (to Jesus) Look, I know this seems pretty bad, but I really want to be good, so will you please forgive me, just one more time?
JESUS- Yes.
GUY- All right! I’ve got one more chance! This time, no mistakes! I’m gonna have will power! I’m gonna be strong! (looks at the book) Oh, gee. (looks away) Gotta be strong. Gotta be strong. Don’t even think about it. Don’t even think about that itty bitty little sin calling to you. The jolly…candy-like sin.

(His fingers “walk” across the table until they touch the book. He glances at it out of the corner of his eye.)

GUY- (points off) Hey, look, there goes Billy Graham!

(Jesus looks. The Guy begins hitting himself repeatedly with the book. Jesus sees him and walks behind him and looks over his shoulder. The Guy freezes.)

GUY- Oh, nelly! Now, you’re in big trouble. You’ve given your heart to God. You’ve committed yourself to a life without sin. And what do you get? You’re no better off than you were before. There’s absolutely nothing you can do to get rid of that annoying little sin. That’s when you notice something about that sin. You looks at that little sin, then you look at Jesus. You hold that little sin up next to Jesus, (he holds the book out beside Jesus) and you realize Jesus is a lot bigger than your little sin. (feel Jesus’ muscle) And a whole lot tougher than that puny little sin. Then you realize you don’t have to get rid of that sin by yourself. Jesus can do it for you. After all, he gave up his life to pay for your sins. So when you give him your life, he wants all of it, (hands the book to Jesus) including that annoying little sin. And once you hand it over to Jesus…

(Jesus rips the book and tosses it.)

GUY- It’s gone forever!

(The Guy hugs Jesus, and they exit.)